Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
