There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
