Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
