i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
