Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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