the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
