Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
