My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
