how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
