I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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