So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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