I skipped work to stalk him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
