hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
