dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
