At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
