he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
