Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
