The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
