i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
