Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
