Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
