i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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