Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
