Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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