I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
