I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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