I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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