I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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