i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
