Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
