Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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