you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
