my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
