u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
