yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
