Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
