Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we're making bets on your personal life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
