Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize