i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
