"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
