He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You made out with two different species that night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
