You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
