that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
