Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
