Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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