so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
