The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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