You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
