Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
