He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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