Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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