threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
