We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
