Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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