do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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