Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
