you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
