"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
