my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your cock deserves a montage
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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