If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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