She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
