Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sext me about skeletons
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
His nipple licking is glorious
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