I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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